Depressed but so alive...

I hate those moments when you feel like things are going either too slow or too fast. Time is a weird thing... I'm thinking about all the things I'd like to do before leaving. Among them is spending as much time as possible with the guy I spent my last 6 years with. That guy that really has to tell me how he feels about us instead of sending me encrypted messages. I'm leaving in a month... It's just so hard to get through you... Help me please.
I'm trying to follow my own heart but how are you supposed to do when your heart is in places that are thousands of miles apart? I'm feeling so lost at this point but so alive at the same time. There are so many people who go through life without any feeling, without wondering or worrying about anything. I think I'm lucky at this point to have been able to live fully every moment. It certainly makes departures way more difficult but memories are just so much intense. I will just need to remember to live in the present and not in the past...
I have been living at 200% during those last 3 years. I probably learned more about myself during the last few months than I ever did in the rest of my life. Even if I'm really sad right now, I'm just feeling so lucky. Lucky to have met all those wonderful people here, lucky to have the family I have.
I'm scared about the future even if I know I shouldn't. It is just that so many questions remain unanswered. And that for the first time I don't have a clue about the answers...